Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
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Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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