sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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