i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
