My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
