Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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