Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
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since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
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I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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