I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
send nudes
from the living room?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
