I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
