Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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