I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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