i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
