If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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