Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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