I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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