Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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