can u get pink eye on your cock?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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