I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
