Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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