He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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