when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
