Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
