I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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