im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
