Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
