Small penises have feelings too.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
