made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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