She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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