I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
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