So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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