Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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