i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
