how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
