I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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