Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
zippers are such a cool invention
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
