Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
