do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
