Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
