I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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