So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
