____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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