He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
