Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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