everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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