you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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