When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
