i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He shit in the fireplace
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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