I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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