Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
