The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
