please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Randomize
