I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
40s are totally the cure
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
