so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
