if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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