Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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