I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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