I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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