no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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