I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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