I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He passed out mid-signature
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
