remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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