glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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