everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
being pregnant is like rehab
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
