I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
