My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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