Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
