wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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