hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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