I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
