Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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